Over the past few months, several within my part of the world have died or had their death anniversaries. These passings have turned my thoughts to the subject of grief and mourning. (Bear with me, now, I promise this post will not be a downer!)
With the advent of social media, I have become aware of many who mark the death anniversary of those near to them. The loved one may have been a person or a dear pet. Sometimes these are announced with the painful sadness of ongoing grief, sometimes with the bittersweet feeling that their loved one was in “a better place,” sometimes with the joy that the deceased was reunited with others who had gone on before.
There are as many ways to survive a beloved’s death as there are people in the world. Although we share many common human traits, we are each unique, and our relationships with others—living or dead—are specific to our personal experiences and personalities. For a myriad of reasons, some of us remain in a state of mourning longer than others might. And here’s the thing: none of us is in a position to judge another’s grief. We absolutely cannot truly walk in that person’s shoes.
I have heard well-meaning (perhaps frustrated) people tell those deep in grief, that it was time to move on—or that, in time, they would be able to move on. I respectfully disagree. To me, moving on means leaving behind, and the last thing any of us want, is to leave a loved one behind. We should move on, away, from negative things, not from those who have enriched our lives.
Instead, I believe we should focus on moving forward. Forward, as we bring all of the joy and lessons and love of that dear one with us. Moving forward means propelling ourselves through the minutes, hours, days, months, years with the sure knowledge that the ones who have died surely want what is best for us. Not to forget them, but to carry part of them with us—imbuing us with the positive essence of their lives.
That is our tribute to those who have left our physical world. Not moving on away them, but moving forward with them in our hearts.
Thanks for stopping by. Y’all come back, now!
With love,
Kate
Oh Kate, your meditation is so healing. Thank you for this lesson in grace and beauty.
You are so welcome, Claudia. The subject is close to my heart.
I don’t like death or care for funerals, and I have avoided funerals whenever possible. I recall once when I was eight years old, and I lost my birthday present—a ten-dollar bill. Not because I lost it but because I treasured it, and ten dollars was a lot of money in 1948.
I treasure the people I know and the ones I love. Even when they are gone, I think about them often, recalling what a treasure they have been to me. I remember the joy of them, my friend, an acquaintance, or a loved one. It saddens me they are gone, but I can’t forget the joy they brought to our time together.
Thank you for your insights, Bill. Treasures of the heart are the most valuable of all.